Ahh packing.

I have put it off for long enough. I finally found out how much shit I really have. Going through all my cabinets and drawers, cubbies, closets and bench storage, I am thinking it's going to take longer to pack and dispose than I imagined.
But there's nothing like finding that random piece of paper that gives me a reminder of what I was doing a year ago. A goal sheet. One week, one month, three months, six months, one year. Have my library card $10 fee paid off. Pay the DMV. Save money for a trip back to St. Louis. Have an art website built. All these things were in my plans a year ago, and I never imagined I would be here, where everything is different. Imagine your life a year ago. Did you know you would be where you are? Doing what you're doing?

I found, as a bookmark, a photo of my ex husband and I...an engagement photo where we were kissing. I cried. I found, in my Dahli Lama autobiography (how fitting, since he just visited California), a "to do" list with everything I thought was important two months ago. I came across two ENTIRE BAGS of total trash. Papers galore. Where does this come from and how did I not notice it before? I have way too many clothes and shoes for someone who wears the same outfit for a week if I can get away with it.

So what do I learn from all this? That when I am stagnant, I accumulate. I lose that natural instinct to be free of possessions, free to move about without baggage. Now that I am ready to move on again, (and the song Gypsy by Fleetwood Mac ALWAYS appears in these times), I feel fulfilled in packing all my things into bags, giving them away, relinquishing comfort, convenience, and making a fresh start in a new place that I can call home. Brazil, here I come.