The best and worst things I have done in my life

The Worst

#1 with a bullet:

I spit in a woman's face. *

She was the wife of my boss. For a short time, while in transition, I worked at a chain hair salon in Atascadero. I was making minimum wage, which then, was probably a little more than $7 per hr. My boss was stealing from me by cheating on my paycheck. I was infuriated. I was living in a van, making close to nothing already.

My boyfriend at the time suggested I go find out where the boss's wife works and spit in her face. I thought it very extreme and cruel, but I liked the idea. Spitting in my bosses wife's face was better than spitting in his.

So I found out where she worked, walked into the building, found her desk and asked her, "are you so-and-so?" She said, "yes". Then I spit directly into her face and ran like a bat out of hell.

I always felt so badly about that incident. It was so out of character. A few months after the event, I was driving through a park. I'm admiring the trees and squirrels and whatnot and out of nowhere, a popping sound so loud I lost my hearing for a minute pierced through the car. A yellow paintball had been shot at the driver side window, and who do I see driving away? The son of my boss.

I'm sorry. I will never spit in anyone's face again.



#2 I totally faked my senior project before graduation.

I have a great friend who is an art instructor; Bill Loveless. I had just gotten a divorce and I was in pieces. I didn't have the creative capacity to come up with a piece of art before graduating, so I asked Bill if I could use his super cool video of colored ink dripping into a tank of water as my final presentation in my alternative media course. He laughed and said yes. Now, being an art instructor, I expected a lecture as to how unethical this was. But he has probably been in the business long enough to have a sense of humor and kick all the "holier than though" artist attitude to the curb.

So I bailed St. Louis, leaving the tape (yes, it was VHS) in the hands of a friend in class. It was shown in my absense. I got an A in the course and received my diploma in the mail. I was so tired after 6.5 years of college that I didn't even walk at graduation. Faking my senior project was my OWN project. Art is not about following rules. It's about breaking them. I'm not sorry.



#3 I kind of maybe drank and drove a few times.

Regardless of whether or not you get caught, it's stupid. I endangered the life of myself and of others.

* The REAL #1 cannot be talked about. It's not appropriate in a blog.



The Best

#1 Moved away from home.

The best way to throw yourself into the fangs of life is to leave home without money, without a car and without a job. It was incredibly liberating.



#2 Lived in a van.

It started out as quite an adventure. I slept on the carpeted floor, ate PB&J's and fried grocery store burritos, I could just close the curtains and sleep like I was camping. I would brush my teeth outside the van in the morning, barefoot, with a gallon of water in Isla Vista. I was a gypsy! But a year and a half later, shampooing my hair at the salon where I worked or taking a shower at the gym was getting old. Buying food that could survive being refrigerated was very limiting and having wrinkled clothes was routine. You also have to be cunning about where you park. When you are in a residential area, a black Tradesman Dogde rape van doesn't "blend" well with the neighborhood and people call the cops. If you park of the side of Hwy 1, you will hear a knock at the window around 2a.m., a cop telling you to leave.

There was also the issue of privacy. Where do you go to the bathroom? Public bathrooms for the most part, but we had a container for urine (you know, you have to go in the middle of the night sometimes). I could always hear crazy homeless people talking to themselves in the middle of the night. That's when I blew out the candle that was wax-glued to the wheel well and feared for my life. Not to mention the lives of the cat and the rat in the van. Well I didn't fear for their lives. It just seemed like a good seg-way into the fact that the rat died of heat exhaustion during the summer in Atascadero.

But living in a van has its advantages. You don't pay rent. You are fearless of becoming homeless because you have lived it, only in a van. You learn a lot about your limitations and possibilities. You find that you are free.



#3 Bought a hair salon

....on a promissory note! Yep, lawyer and I signed a note saying "I will pay $___ dollars a month for the next year and a half. If I don't, the salon isn't mine anymore". (Not verbatim) That was about how simple it was. I later sold the salon for a little less than I paid, but it was a priceless well of education about business, finance, marketing, etc.



#4 Got married.

I married someone I dated for two weeks. He was the one. We lasted 4 years. Bumpy road. Totally worth every moment.




#5 Moved to Brazil


Well, it's spelled Brasil
I moved there with the intention of staying, although I reserved a return flight for 8 months out in case I didn't have a way to make money. I didn't want to be stranded in Brazil without a way to make a living. So I took the money I had saved, and the money my parents gave me to help out, and moved to Praia do Rosa, a well known beach town in the surf community, located in the South of Brazil. I lived there for 7 months, made a few friends, ate wonderful Brazilian food, listened to new music (mostly Brazilian), partied my ass off, got really healthy from walking and being happy in the sun and sand, and learned a lot about the Brazilian culture. My Portuguese aint too bad either.

Brazil also taught me to trust no one. I was poisoned, robbed, and had my identity stolen. It's a rough world. But this is a part of growing up. (Right?)


Everything memorable that has happened, happened in a moment. This is when life takes over our plans and becomes authentic. Or I like to think.