when you had me, you had nothing to give. now that you're back, i don't need a thing.

Sneak peek--art for the upcoming solo show at the Red Union Salon (SF) by yours truly

jobs for the rich, obama for the poor

http://www.theonion.com/content/news_briefs/frantic_steve_jobs_stays_up

woo hoo!!!

virtualtourist.com rank just went up to 3200

damn

fight club is an awesome movie!

i'm back in the saddle again

i am the newest stylist at red union salon in the affluent cow hollow district of san francisco.

i wonder if sf's was this successful

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UxI46nl9pkc&feature=player_embedded

this is great! haven't seen interesting art in a while.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m4DW-hdXcH8&feature=player_embedded

my new fav.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T7WxTP3ger8&feature=player_embedded#

cool! finally something for lefties.

http://www.likecool.com/Slantruled_notebook--Projects--Gear.html

piano lessons

i've decided to take up learning (or starting) to play the piano.

i have a keyboard, i have an adult beginner book and i have my mom, a pianist, as well as a friend who is willing to do lessons with me.

my influences are philip glass, tori amos, the smiths, moby, fiona apple, beethoven, elton john, coldplay, Comptine D' un Autre Ete, and so i don't really know that much about music..... but i want to learn!!!!

let's get it started in here!

strange art in the courtroom

so i got a DUI. i'll admit it. no one here is perfect.

it was christmas day. i was in my hometown and i had a couple glasses of wine with my parents then went out to a bar with a couple of old friends. at the bar, i ran into a good friend of my deceased older brother, who didn't know that he was deceased. he asked about him. i had to tell him he passed away two years ago. being the holidays, or just being a sad part of life, i started to lose it. i cried. so i drank. then i drank some more.

on the way home, i was pulled over by a CHP just a little way from the bar. i was given about five sobriety tests (one of them involved walking 8 steps heel to toe and on the 9th step, taking my right foot and turning around). they were very specific.

after blowing a rather high BA, i was cuffed and the cop sped like a bat out of hell to the sheriff's station. while i was getting my mug shots, the officer says . . . "wow, you actually look fine". i thought, yeah i feel fine too. it has to do with the "practice makes perfect" claim.

they had me take off my shoe laces. i asked why and they said "because you can hang yourself with them". i thought, thanks for the tip. but after being subjected to the cell, a white room with two metal bunks on either side, a stainless steel toilet/sink combo and a sac of a bologna and cheese sandwich, i realized i needed a blanket. i asked for one, to which the crumpled-faced, flatulent-looking sheriff replies "we usually don't give blankets to prisoners we release the next day". but he gave me one anyway, and i thought, during all of those hours, how i could actually kill myself and one of them included hanging myself with the blanket.

i told one of my friends in the car, before i was taken away, to call my parents and tell them what happened. so when i called my dad in the morning, he already knew. he asked me how i was doing and i said "i'm in a jail cell". he says, "just let me know when to pick you up". so i did. and when he showed up, i said "i sure fucked up this time" to which he replied "you didn't need me to tell you that". we got home, he went into the fridge, pulled out a bottle of wine and says jokingly, "want a drink?" i love my dad and his sense of humor and i wish to humbly admit that i got it from him. don't get me wrong. my parents don't take this behavior of drinking and driving lightly, but they were surprisingly patient and admitted that (yes mom, you were also practicing awesomeness ) i don't fuck up too often and that they are glad to help out.

so the court date arrives. TODAY. i have been dreading it since christmas, suffering from insomnia and a general phobia of being cuffed and taken to prison on the spot. i go, and on the courtroom walls are drawings from kids of all ages; one that has a woman hiding behind a trashcan while a cop car drives by with his lights ablaze. another depicts a picture of a house, that turns into a bigger house, that turns into a castle, that turns into a blunt, that turns into a jail cell. but the funniest painting has flames and a pot leaf that says "now you're mine!!! burn it!! 4:20". this seems highly inappropriate for a courtroom but i look on.
adorned on an adjoining wall is a quilt with each square sewn by a different person, quoting AA slogans: "it works if you work it", "easy does it" and "just for today". you get the picture.

so i have my trial, in front of a 7th grade class. i am the "BIG BAD CRIMINAL!" and of course, am called first. but actually, the more serious cases were first and i witnessed someone being thrown in jail for 3 years on the spot for 4 convictions of DUI's. the no-shows were fined $25,000 yes, TWENTY-FIVE THOUSAND DOLLARS for making a mockery of the judicial system by signing to appear in court and no-showing. i wish i could do that to my hair clients.

by the way, they really make you feel like an alcoholic by showing you a film about AA meetings, the judge giving a speech declaring "we get all the drug addicts and alcoholics in here" in addiction (did i say addiction?) addition to making you go to THIRTY meetings. i love the saying "i'm not an alcoholic. alcoholics go to meetings". the AA meetings are the easy part for me, regardless of how brain dead i feel after hearing stories of real alcoholics who hide their liquor in the toilet tank, pour water in the vodka and drink AS they are puking in the toilet. (i was in a relationship with a sober person, so i went to check out what he did three to four times a week)

but the biggest shit pile disturbance for me is that i have to take these "driving" classes once a week for eight months. i asked, "what do they teach me? how to drive intoxicated?" (jokingly of course). they didn't seem amused. no. they teach you how hazardous driving under the influence is. to which i agree. i think it was good that i got a DUI instead of meeting a more terrifying fate which would be to kill someone because of my belligerent courage.

summarizing (just kidding, i have not summarized anything. i just wanted to say it). i have to pay the upwards of $2000 and go to a shit load of classes. i make fun, but i know the next time i want to drink and drive, i'll just go pass out in the bushes. it' s way cheaper.

God exists

I bought a wedge of Gorgonzola cheese from a fresh market and before I got home, I opened up the wrapper and pulled a chunk from the wedge and sucked it from my fingers. I said "God exists" to my friend Nicole who was driving. She says "or cows". Gorgonzola cheese is God saying I love you.

shout out to myself!!

so, i am a member of virtualtourist.com, a user-friendly website that gives travel tips, has a live forum and has members who share photos and travel information for any destination in the world.

my status just went to 4142, which i'm very proud of! this means that of the millions of users all around the world, my travel tips and pages have been rated as the top 4000.

i just want to give a shout out to myself for being awesome.

WOO HOO!!!

http://members.virtualtourist.com/m/77102/

laugh of the day

i popped ice cubes out of the tray and they all stuck to the front of my shirt.

Favorite videos/links of 2009

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=42E2fAWM6rA&feature=player_embedded

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ebi-_o_3dgs

http://heystupid.wordpress.com/2009/02/24/strange-tales-of-the-internet-album-covers/

http://www.break.com/usercontent/2008/6/Rachel-Ray-Explicit-Sex-Education-512560.html#comments-target

http://vimeo.com/7980901

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2Fe11OlMiz8

http://dogscreenclean.com/

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n1qS-tm--gI&NR=1

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KAyt1TXeQa4

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ENu_06t9xl4

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R7yfISlGLNU

http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/sfo/80714812.html

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nAriCTiIVw0

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AERsjQKnki0

My favorite music in 2009

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tFxE95Ye4TQ

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GnXFJOXvL_A

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VX_Lkm3474s (unfortunately the original video has been removed)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SFbDhbl3QPY i know, it's old.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GX4O5CjXHcY

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4x-l0sRO_ls

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9jD0XqnpO58

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jw6TnHYUkPg

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A6RkZkWOekI

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CGgrb2-x70g

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nuMEWGReqEI

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QY_L_rafEs0 best new discovered band!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-4TsPCK_MFw never knew this song existed til '09
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=80HmLlRB1TQ without qeustion, the most beautiful version of this song.

The amputated arm

I had a really messed up dream about my ex husband yesterday. His arm was amputated and I had to take it back to his body. So I'm walking through the suburban streets at night with this bloody arm, amputated at the elbow. Then it starts to move. It's grabbing my hand, and it's wriggling all over. And it's getting shorter! The bloody stump is moving down the arm until it's at the wrist. As it's getting shorter, it's getting stronger. It frees itself from my hand and hurls itself onto the hood of a car, bouncing onto the windshield, leaving smudges of blood. It then hurls itself into the bushes.

Remembering that I still have to get it to its owner, I pick it up and start to run with it. I see, in someone's driveway, a few guys shooting hoops, and there are about 5 dogs hanging around with them. They get the scent of blood and meat, which is now all over my hands, and they start to run with me. I wake up to me yelling at them telling them to go away.

Sometimes dreams make no sense at all.

The Death of Oscar The Grouch

Young enough to sell lemonade but too old for stuffed animals, I talked my brother and sister into gathering all the toys we no longer wanted to sell at the end of the street. I thought we could make money on pencils, candy, or erasers bought at my school's Secret Santa Extravaganza; anything that would buy us gum and magazines at the local old school strip mall. We grabbed a box from the garage and rummaged through our closets, blasting rows of toys to the side in search of board games, clothes, re-gifts, anything that we deemed unsuitable for our elder years.

There we were, standing at the stop sign at the end of the street with a sign:
25¢ per toy.

We stood, waiting for the first customer. Cars passed. We frequently assessed our goods, making sure it was all there, arranging it so it would look most appealing to prospective buyers. And then, a growling truck rolled up. It was a pick up. He stepped out, the strapping sixteen year old red head with eyes of diamonds, excited at the possibility of purchasing not one, but fifteen stuffed animals!!! He picked through every one, we said farewell to each, in gratitude that they were going to a good home.

Then, after choosing his favorites, he wrapped string around the neck of each animal, tied it to the hitch of his truck, and drove away, dragging each animal, by the neck, to his death. And who suffered the most? Oscar the Grouch. He bobbled to and fro, green fuzziness licking the gravel each time, seeming to say "you screwed me!!!" We stared, and our tears fell like the fall of burning coal off Half-Dome in the 1800's. Our memories, our pubescent childhood, all popping from the pavement as each waved goodbye, reminding me that I should have loved them more.


Watching each animal on a cascading line from the hitch of a big kid's truck, I saw each of my fuzzy friends blend into a tangled pulp of suburban hamburger for 25 cents a piece. I decided from that day I would love all my toys, even the ones I outgrew, so they could never again be pulled behind the obese gas guzzlers of sixteen year old boys.

Vegemite

Vegemite on toast. That's how almost everyone in Australia eats it. I have a British friend who had it on her breakfast table and I had to try it. Before she could tell me how to eat it, I dipped a knife into the tub and licked it. Pure salty, fermented-tasting yuckiness. I couldn't believe so many people love it. They eat it with cream cheese, with tomato, on toast, three times a day. But to me, a person obviously not raised on Vegemite, it tasted like gummy, resiny, yeasty, pasty bullion nastiness.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Vegemite

Similarly weird? Soursop, aka Graviola
http://www.hort.purdue.edu/newcrop/morton/images/Plate10.jpg

FEEEEEECKKK!!!!! FINALLY the day gets better.

I think I may have found a job!

This is funny even thoguh I haven't seen Avatar

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2zaJdq0VUtk&feature=player_embedded

Days like these

Photo taken is of ACTUAL room in Yelapa, Mexico. (Just about a 45 min busride south of Puerto Vallarta) Today is one of those crappy days that will go down in history.

I have a dear friend who is deeply depressed about her divorce, a sister who wrote me a nasty letter telling me our relationship is one-sided and I treat her like shit, a friend I'm taking space from because he hurt me, ten unauthorized purchases in my bank account to dispute, a job to find (which is more agonizing every day), a court date in a week, a stalker (not a dangerous one) and a blackberry with a broken trackball.

Let's look on the bright side, shall we Regina?

1. I have family and friends who love me
2. I have my health
3. My parents gave me money for Xmas
4. I am living with my awesome friend Nicole and her bf for free
5. I have virtually no bills
6. I got to live in Brazil and not work for 7 months
7. I have an education
8. I have a skill I can take anywhere
9. I am a good person
10. I ignore anything anyone tells me that is toxic

These are all the things I forget to think about on days like these. I guess I don't have it so bad afterall. This too shall pass.

the fraud

So I am having to deal with identity theft. Just how I wanted to spend my day. I've been on the phone with various companies for hours, disputing charges made by the Portuguese "friend" I lived with in Brazil. Let's just call him "fake".

There are about ten bank transactions I never authorized, and they all lead to him, based on the email address associated with each purchase. He even tried to buy a $3600 computer, which fortunately, drew attention to my bank, who then locked my account so that no activity could occur. I ended up having a friend pay to fly be back to the States earlier than planned because I couldn't get any money out of my frozen account. He screwed up everything. I even had to live with a friend for 6 months when I returned because I was busy paying off debt from "fake".

How does he live with himself? How does he face himself knowing he is a phony, a thief, a person without ethics or moral virtue? Life is hard and everyone has his challenges. But to pretend to be a friend just to turn on them should justify some Karmic consequence. I hope he feels right at home hiding out and running from the deportation police in Brazil, the place that taught me to trust no one. Not even my "friends".

tape measure master

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y63OV_E7M-4&feature=player_embedded

the Nexus One superphone vs the blackberry

http://www.cnn.com/2010/TECH/01/05/google.nexus.announcement/index.html

as cool as this sounds, (never having to text by typing again), i may stick to my blackberry. with the arrival of the iphone, many people jumped on the bandwagon to find that there were many flaws; lengthy phone bills, missing functions, connectivity issues, missed calls, the new dock not fitting, the battery running out and a plethora of other mishaps.

with regret, my trackball, after two years of being spun, pressed and tickled, is now showing signs of dimentia, as i now have to voice dial since the address book icon doesn't respond when clicked. but that doesn't stop me from loving my blackberry.

it has every application i could possibly need, it's small, sexy and fits into my little hand. even after two years, it still looks like a new model. it never drops calls, misses calls, and there is even a flash on my camera, which iphones lack.

the nexus one is operated by google, which automatically interests me, but why would i let my loyalties slip from the blackberry to the nexus one just because its a newer model? my blackberry has been monogamous to me, forgiven me when i dropped it. heck, it has traveled more than most people i know. what happened to the days where you had one number, and you could call someone to ask if they could play? the blackberry makes these conversations simple. and that's all i want. a phone that works.

tony bourdain burns six tons of cocaine

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hmEf-nnffRI

listen to how much he's sniffling as he's narrating. nice subconscious gesture. too bad they cut right before it goes up in smoke.

Welcome to the new clog

You're probably here because you are interested in what I have to say. I'm going to say upfront, you may not find what I think about all that interesting.

Now, check out the funniest website I FINALLY found this year. Belly ache from this one.

http://heystupid.wordpress.com/2009/02/24/strange-tales-of-the-internet-album-covers/

This, along with Maddox's "the best page in the universe" sites are those I return to, even though Maddox is too busy being famous to update his site for all us little people. http://www.thebestpageintheuniverse.net/c.cgi?u=irule

Mrs. Miller is always a great way to start the week...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fw07CDid0JM

And for anyone who appreciates cool looking stuff, here's an artist I found on Beck's homepage..

http://www.beck.com/images/colorspace/olaf.html

great video by stephane pivron for mikros image
http://vimeo.com/7980901