bday surprise

i am sitting alone in my house watching tv and doing my nails because my friends told me i can~t hang out with them. it~s the night before my bday and everyone is preparing a "surprise" which they describe as a brazilian tradition and that i~m screwed. i am imagining the worst. we went grocery shopping and i wasn't allowed to see what was in the cart but i heard the words mayonaise, eggs and flour. are they going to cover me with gooey food? or worse, are they going to make me eat some disgusting concoction? they think it~s hilarious that i~m kind of shitting my pants. they love to torture me. i told them if they make me eat feces and stip me and leave me in the middle of nowhere, i will never speak to them again. anything other than that, i can handle.

i don~t know what to expect and it~s killing me! i~m receiving no relief from ivo. he says, "oh yes, you~re screwed". honestly, i kinda like the attention.

Now that the idea to travel to the Amazon has been threatened due to my great regard for my father~s wishes, I am wondering what I am doing in Brazil, if not for travel. Am I here to work and live? Find my birth-mother? Bump into love? Write a book based on my knoledge of traveling and living abroad? Am I just here to learn? To be introspective, to grow? To live a simple life of service? Is it just one long vacation? What on earth pulled me here and keeps me here? How did I arrive here and where am I going? And do these questions really matter?